Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
