So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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