The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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