your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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