he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you didnt know i had herpes?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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