Nicole vs. Life
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
