From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
