And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
