I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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