they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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