Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
