Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
