i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
