Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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