At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
