Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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