too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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