Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
