I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
