You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
