I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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