Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
