What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
