my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
