I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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