i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
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he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
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Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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