you would pick up someone in the library
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
