My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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