Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
