I think my fart just growled at me.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
