I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
