Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
