I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
