Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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