he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He did a backflip because drugs
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
