I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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