Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
