she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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