I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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