So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My underwear smells like fireworks.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
