So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
ok first of all what the fuck
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
