whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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