My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she told me i tasted like america
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
