Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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