how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
