It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
