What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
