shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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