good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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