How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
