i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
