You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
