She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
