HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize