the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
