eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
