Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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