just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
