I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am available for nakedness
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
