How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
