You can't motorboat a personality
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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