i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
