I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
