I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
