its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize