how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
