2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Nobody cheats on THIS.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
