I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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