toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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