how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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