So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
